What is the worst rock song of all time and why?
Journey - “Don’t Stop Believing”
Because it’s not 1:30 in the morning and I’m not drunk……
Truly, I don’t have a problem with this song in particular. It’s just the main offender amidst a smattering of rock classics, which include but are not limited to the aforementioned, “Pour Some Sugar on Me,” and “Jessie’s Girl,” that have been whored out as night closers at bad college bars. I actually have respect for Journey, so it’s unfortunate that this song had to fall under the guillotine. But, an example has to be made of something:
Cast:
* Ed Hardy -> He’s a little short but he compensates by spiking his hair slightly. He’s easily provoked if you bump into him, and you’ll likely see him awkwardly grinding up on some girl if he hasn’t already been kicked out for fighting.
* Affliction -> Dark, collared shirt. Dark pants. Chucks. A phillies hat. Two top buttons undone. Class.
* Platinum Blond -> She’s average height but dwarves several of her nearby suitors due to the 4 inch heels she is toting. Her hair is bleached almost as white as the low-cut shirt that is doubling as a dress. It’s not slutty though because she has on black tights. She would talk to people around her but she is sincerely more interested in texting on her blackberry to her best friend who is stuck in Manyunk.
Location:
A moderately large bar that is significantly longer than it is wide with wood trim just about everywhere so that it can pretend to be a pub before 10pm. A bar rides the length of one of the long walls with several red velvet booths against the other. The bar hasn’t reached capacity yet, but it’s close. There’s a 3:2 ratio of guys to girls which is further amplified by the fact that half of the 23 girls in the place are dancing on the bar which makes the ratio on the dance floor about 1000:π. It’s 1:28am and Lady Gaga “Poker Face” is blaring just loud enough to make it difficult to talk to anyone. The dj keeps using the siren effect because it’s the ballest thing you can do to your tunes….
<enter scene>
Ed: **sips cranberry vodka from an 8oz cup with a quarter section of some nondescript fruit** Oh shit, I love this song. **attempts to grind on a girl walking past him on her way back from the bathroom. She scoffs and acts insulted that some guy would have the nerve to try to dance with her at bar. Just cause she is dressed up and out drinking doesn’t mean she is at all interested in having guys hit on her….**
Aff: **bouncing around almost to the beat but not quite** This Coors Light rocks. I’m go get another bucket. 6 for 20 bucks man. Awesome.
Plat: mojito pls k thx :)
Aff: No problem babe. **clearly honored to be get a mixed drink for the shorty. He scampers off**
Ed: **is bumped into so he decides the best course of action is to shove the guy back** Dude, watch it. **Immediately he begins scouting for another girl**
Aff: **Triumphantly returns** This is bullshit. They wouldn’t give me a bucket cause it’s after eleven. But, it’s cool. Bottles of Bud light are only five. And some tall, redhead kid was trying to order a PBR. Freak…oh, here’s your drink. **hands over the mojito**
Plat: k thx ;)
The DJ cross fades off the beat from ”Poker Face” to “Don’t Stop Believing.” Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small, was singing without any presents at all.
All: I love this song. **Ed and Aff begin to sandwich grind Plat who is furiously texting to her bff: “Journey!1..:o”**
</end scene>
That is why “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey is the worst rock song ever made.
